Days after the goodbye

Here we are, a week after we have said our final goodbye to Jasper. He has crossed the rainbow bridge and joined his girlfriend Pita and siblings Rollie and Peppermint. How are we, the humans, surviving? That is a truly loaded question. Read on to see how our life is going without Jasper.

There is a big empty hole everywhere. In our hearts, in our house, in our daily task list, in our cat lineup, and in the bathroom supervisor. I don't think I can even begin to process all the ways we miss him or how we will even move on. We are both irritable, cranky, moody, defeated, on the verge of tears constantly, and feeling like we failed on some level. Is there anything that can be said to make us feel less like that? Nope.

As for me, I've been booked solid with house sitting and drop-in visits as well as my usual work schedule at the chiropractor and dress shop. That means I've had very little time to dwell on the empty spot and my broken heart. Have I felt completely maxed out on being able to handle life? Absolutely. I decided to tackle the next few days/weeks by handling it one minute, one hour, one day, one task at a time, thus keeping my mind busy. Yes, one day, probably very soon, this will backfire on me.

While working on listing merchandise and scheduling Facebook posts for the groups I run, I had to go through my photos. There are so many of him from all stages of his life with us. I will cherish those pictures forever. As I scroll thru pictures, I cry for every hard road turn we had, every good memory we had, and for the emptyness in the coming years.

As for Gene, he's working as usual, studying and playing video games. The video games are his downtime and how he unwinds and relaxes. Gene, always a sturdy rock by my side, is struggling with the loss of Jasper as well. He was the medicine man—daily doses of insulin, probiotics, and wet food. Every day started with a few minutes hanging with Jasper, plus a few minutes after dinner. While it isn't much time per day, it's a task that has been ingrained in him for the last two and a half years. Each morning is hard, not having to take the time to give meds. Each visit to the bathroom is different now. Missing having a cat watch us do our bathroom routines is a constant reminder of Jasper. Now the emptiness of not having a cat always there for all your private bathroom visits it tugs at our hearts each visit to the bathroom.

Gene told me that he can't take in any more pets, which is not surprising on some level; he's always the one saying no more pets. He told me that it hurts too much with the loss of pets. Meanwhile, as I'm hurting and saying I can't go through the pain of losing another pet, I'm ready to take in more, as there are always strays that need homes. I'm sure in time, when this is farther in the rearview mirror, Gene will be more ready to take in another pet.

Fortunately for both of us, we balance each other out. We won't be taking in any new pets in the near future. We will continue to mourn the loss of Jasper and cherish the siblings he left behind. To date, the other cats are settling into life with access to the bathroom where he resided. Normally, there is a fight to establish the new pecking order, but we won't have to deal with that process as he operated as a standalone cat. We decided to keep his set up of litter, cat tower, bed, food & water dishes. So now all the cats spend time in there as they feel the need.

The days and weeks after the final goodbye have been hard and will continue to be hard. We all mourn differently. How do you get through the mourning of losing a loved one? I'd love to hear how you ease the pain, get back to life, and still honor your loved one.

Til our tails cross again,

Mel

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