Is it ever ok to say.....

So here goes—something that I can't believe I'm going to write about and toss onto the internet. But it's something that has been bothering me and has happened twice in the last few months. I deal with the public 5-6 days a week most weeks for work. While I love it (almost every day), there are days when I'm left questioning people, when things changed, and how people figure it's okay to say things to people they don't know.

I'm a short person; it's a daily struggle—reaching things on top shelves, sitting and having my feet dangle, my four steps to someone's two steps. I'm also blessed to be a bit overweight. Unfortunately for me, my weight gain always hits my stomach area (or at least that's the only place anyone else sees it). So here is my struggle: it is NEVER OK to mention, ask, allude to, question, or comment about someone you DON'T know being pregnant. Hell, even if you know them, you need to tread very lightly.

I used to just laugh it off and be like - oh no, that's just my love for food, a desk job tanked my metabolism, anything to be like I'm not pregnant, just fat. So let's talk about this. There are so many things here. First - I realize what I look like, is it a struggle for me? You bet it is. Is there a good reason for it? Depends on who you are. I've had some health things happen and currently happening that are not making my fat belly any easier to deal with. I want to go back to that sickeningly skinny person I was in high school - but let's face it, I'm getting older, bad food habits, plus health issues are making that not possible. Am I trying to lose weight, have a better diet and get my health where it should be, yep. But guess what? It's no one's business, and doesn't mean complete strangers can comment about me being pregnant.

There are so many levels here: Pregnancy - it could be someone's worst nightmare and just a stranger mentioning it sets them off, or it could be the happiest thing that's happened to them. But guaranteed, you don't know someone's situation and how your seemingly innocent comment will affect them. Every time someone says anything related to being pregnant to me, I immediately think - who are you to comment on this? What if this is a situation where someone is pregnant and doesn't want to be? Rape, failed preventative measures, recently separated from the father, maybe they have found out their child has a major medical issue, will be stillborn, and so many other possibilities.

The situation that happened: I'm in line at a store - the line is extremely long. A second register opens, and a lady behind me says - you go, you're pregnant. How my jaw didn't hit the ground, I don't know. First off, I was ahead of you in line, so yes, I should be the one to move to the newly opened register. Second, even if I were pregnant - that doesn't mean you can just yell that out to someone you don't know. Just say, go ahead of me. Leave it at that, no need to add anything else.

The second time was at work, during a bridal appointment. I carry heavy gowns all the time for work. These gowns can be heavy, especially when carrying more than one or two at a time. But guess what? It's my job; I do it every day, multiple times a day for hours. Guess what doesn't need to be said by a mother of the bride: I feel bad you have to carry those heavy dresses while you're pregnant. How exactly do you respond to that? Fortunately, my back was to her as I had already started to walk back to the bridal suite to hang the dresses up. So I just didn't respond. But it set me off; I was definitely fuming about the comment. No choice but to keep my head up and act like it was never said.

Every time a comment is made, I wonder what happened to the unspoken rule: don't ask, allude, or question about pregnancy situations. Even asking a newly married couple when they are having kids. You wait until that information is presented to you, especially if you don't know the person.

Each of those instances left me wondering - how am I supposed to react and handle that comment? I chose both times not to respond. But there's a piece of me that wants to reply, knowing the person I am, it wouldn't be nice. I'd be named a Karen for sure; it infuriates me that people think they can say what they want and think it's okay.

I have never wanted kids - it's been a hard no for me. Gene, on the other hand, would be happy with kids. We have settled with our life of no kids; for anyone to say something is disrespectful and out of line. It's no one's business why/if/when we have kids or don't. I get it, people want to ask, and it's assumed at some point couples will have kids after being together a set amount of time or being married. But bottom line - it's none of your business.

Till our tails cross again,

Mel

#lovecatsandeverything #pregnant #notpregnant #DINK #DINKWAC #kids #nokids #socialstandard